While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
