So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
