I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
