Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
