That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
