if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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