Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize