My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
