.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
