I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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