I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
