so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
