Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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