U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
wakey wakey hands off snakey
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
