just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
