it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
