You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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