I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
