Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
