All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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