how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
