Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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