Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
