Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
