What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
