windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
