so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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