Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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