i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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