your parents love me but you hate me
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
50% drunk capacity currently
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
