We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
