fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
