it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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