I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
