in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
