my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Randomize
