Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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