I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
