but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
