Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
