you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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