We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
