In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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