she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
