i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize