I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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