I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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