So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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