let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my sisters under your porch take her home
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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