"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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