just tell him i said nine months
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
