i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
