i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
When are your genitals available?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
