her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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