Dual....:-)
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
