i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
