Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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