You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
