Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You made out with two different species that night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
