remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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