I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
dude. I can hear the air.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
