The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
