I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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