That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
