i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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