Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
