Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
