she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
