oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
pray to the hookup gods
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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