perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
