i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
