Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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