so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
