hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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