I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
