There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
