The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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