She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
