I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
