all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
