apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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