her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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