If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
