Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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