You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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