My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
