Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize