***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
