We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
