Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize