I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
