I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
