Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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