oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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